it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
