cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize