the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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