I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
