to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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