erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
