Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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