White coat. Heels.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The beer is more important than you right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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