I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
