it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
