I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
