i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
