I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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