he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
