no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize