he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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