You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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