your parents love me but you hate me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
