Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
