I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
