i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
