im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
