it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
