how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
