Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
