At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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