Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
