Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
