one might say we're banned from that church
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize