I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
