the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
