Three words: puerto rican gang bang
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
