We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
