my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Operation Purity has been aborted
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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