We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize