i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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