Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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