My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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