I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
