Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
