she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
