I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
