Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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