I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
