She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize