He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
