i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
