Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
