I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
