She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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