Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
