My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
