What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
