She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
