farters have to be the big spoon...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
