it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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