The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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