Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
