distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
