Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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