i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I understand Curling. That high.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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